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Saturday, March 13, 2010

Head Hunger/ Putting the Scale Away and Healing from Obesity

This is like phantom pain, a pain we feel, but it isn't really there. I experienced it today for the first time since returning home after my surgery. I was full and I knew I was full so I sat down to think about why I felt hungry. I know myself well enough to know I was an emotional eater most of my life. I ate when I didn't want to feel and it turns out I also ate to not feel before the feeling I was trying to avoid arose. That is what happened today.

Despite my doctors best warning to not weigh myself daily as in his words "It would drive me crazy" because of the bodies tendency to fluctuate it wasn't good for me emotionally either. During the past five years I got in the habit of weighing myself daily. There are pros to it, but for me, there are too many cons. Research does indicate that those who weigh themselves daily tend not to gain back lost weight because they get on top of a rise quickly. I learned this in a weight control group run by a licensed psychologist. It wasn't the best advice for me and now I am trying to break the habit.

I have 8 lbs left to go before I am under 200 lbs for the first time in 20 years. I've been telling myself I don't want to miss the day I wake up and see I am under that mark and into what those in the weight loss surgery community call "Onederland" weighing in the 100's.

Today my head hunger was caused by the fact that I only lost 9 ounces over night. This is after an average of a 3lb drop daily since returning home from my bypass. One thing I know about suffering from an eating disorder and having been raised a perfectionist is that I am much more able to see what I consider a bad result then all the good. That is why I felt hungry when I wasn't physically hungry. This is where I realize that was emotion talking not real hunger.

Learning to recognize the difference is key. I am proud of what I've achieved so far. I am healing well, walking a mile a day 11 days after surgery and following my eating plan. Tomorrow is a new day. I'm going to put the scale away and only weigh once a week.

I'll let you know how it goes.


  1. Andrea you impress me so much. Your writing skills are awesome and reading about your surgery and post symptoms are very educational. I really know you are going to be so happy when you are over the hump of not feeling well. You have my support 100%. Keep up the great work.
    Love ya

  2. Andrea, Good for you! After my lap band my nutritionist suggested once a week weighing too. I've gone back to more often right now, as I try to remove the 25 lbs I'd gained this past 8 or 9 months. I seem to actually fluctuate about 5-7 lbs! I swear I was 210 yesterday and today 215! Some late night snacking but 5 lbs of popcorn? I doubt it! I ate very carefully except the popcorn, so it must have me retaining water. Then there's the scale, it weighs different every time. It may be starting to fail.
    You'll be in Onederland before you know it! That's great and such a wonderful feeling. I'll be right behind you! Sherry (

  3. Angela, thank you for your compliments on my writing ability. I have worked hard to develop it. Writing a dissertation helped that is for sure! I am feeling great. I stopped taking pain meds last Thursday which is a great feeling. I continue to walk a mile today. I did it outside today and could feel it was more challenging. Wednesday it will be two weeks post op. My husband is going back to work on the 18th. I am going to spend the last four weeks trying to knock out a first draft of my book Healing From My Obesity.

    Thanks for reading and supporting me.

  4. Dear Rustique Gal, I work with a personal trainer who took me on free thankfully as I could never afford it. He told me it is totally normal for the body to fluctuate within in the range you describe. Keep your fluid intake up and that will help over the retaining issue.

    Maybe its time for a new scale? I am looking forward to putting mine away after I get to Onderland and then I'll weigh on Sunday mornings to see how I am doing.

    Thanks for writing, reading and the encouragement. I'm here for you too.