Saturday, May 29, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
During my surgery I had a lot of activity on the right side and it was here I felt the fatigue of the effort of the walk the most. I sleep well tonight. That's for sure!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Yesterday was my best day since my March 3rd surgery. I felt healthy, so happy, vivacious, full of life, encouraged like I was in a state of bliss. You so have to love those days. I am working hard on all my goals like saving money, establishing my emergency fund, looking at next classes I want to take. The list could go on.
I believe it is important to value each day but knew deep in my heart I wasn't and couldn't be happy until I began to get my health back and for me this meant progressing towards a healthy weight.
I am well on my way! Have an awesome day everyone!
Friday, May 7, 2010
I'd like to find more opportunities to do so!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Bottom line for me is though I thought I was emotionally ready for the lap band surgery I wasn't. I got into a situation where I was transferring some of my behavior I used to with my family of origin onto my first surgeon and that was a mess. When I stopped losing weight he would yell at me and I'd leave his appointments crying etc. I began canceling my appointments and eventually didn't use the tool as planned. Of course it wasn't that clear at the time. Therapy, writing and reflection have helped me figure it out. I'm writing a book now about it and started a blog called Healing From my Obesity.
Here are some of the factors that contributed to my weight gain.
I let the first surgeon talk me out of rny and into lapband, saying I wasn't big enough. When I had a high enough BMI with comorbidities.
I hadn't really faced my issues with food, using it to numb myself out.
I developed a transfer addiction as a result and began drinking a lot of red wine. Thankfully I stopped before developing alcoholism.
When I lost my first 25 lbs the attention I got from me freaked me out and I gained weight back.
I beat myself up with feelings of failure for two years.
I thew up constantly and developed major nutritional deficiencies including ones that manifested neurologically.
Fast forward to 2009, I finally decided I had to be under someone's care. That I deserved that. Living in VT there was only one doc I could go to when I first started on my journey. I then learned about Dartmouth Hitchcock's program and contacted them. I can't say enough good things about them. At my first appointment with my surgeon he said “I am so sorry you've been through what you have. You never should have been a candidate for the lapband. RNY is the gold standard for treating obesity and as a diabetic you have a 90% chance of your diabetes resolving.”
We had to fight tooth and nail to get my insurance company to pay for a second surgery, but he convinced them it was medically necessary. I had revision surgery on March 3rd of this year. I am now down 35lbs 8.5 weeks out. 47.5 since my highest weight. My diabetes is resolved. I am starting to appreciate,even love my body again and I'm the happiest I've ever been.
I am not finding the adjustment hard, though I did experience some mourning for food. I've filled my life with other things, writing my book, planting my first garden, planning on learning to knit, playing with my dogs, enjoying my work as a professor etc. I hope this has been helpful. I so wish I had done this ten years earlier, but I am just happy to be where I am now.
Good luck on your journey. Let me know how I can be helpful.