My Photo

My Photo

Search This Blog

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Keeping it Real

One of the tough things about overcoming an eating disorder is learning to think differently. The longer one has an eating disorder the harder it is to separate from it. To be able to look at it for what it is, a way to cope with uncomfortable feelings you don't want to feel. When I first began my journey to wellness, I thought the hardest words I ever had to say were "I am obese." I've since learned the hardest words I've had to learn to say were "My obesity wasn't about the food, or my weight, it is about the feelings." Feelings I've tried all my life to not feel, at any cost.

Over the past month, I had to learn how to keep it real. What do I mean? I had to look for evidence that I was making progress towards my health and weight loss goals. I've watched the scale go back and forth with the same 2-3 lbs. It was driving me crazy. I let it drive me back into disordered thinking around food, my progress and my chances for success.

It helps that I am in therapy and am discussing this with a talented Jungian Analyst and that I have an awesome partner in life, my husband Scott.

On our daily morning walk yesterday I was telling him how frustrated I was, like he didn't know! He is a man of few words, at least less then me. He said, "You have to keep it real, Andrea. Look at all the things you've done so far."

1.) Lost 36 lbs
2.) Cleared your closet halfway out of clothes.
3.Lost four clothing sizes.
4.)Lost at least 2o inches.
5. Lowered by BMI by 8 points since its highest.
6. Lost 60 lbs since my heaviest weight.
7.) Got rid of Diabetes and the meds that go along with it.
8.)Achieved normal blood pressure, low even.
9.) Achieved the heart rate of an athlete.
10.Work out like an athlete
11. Completely changed your relationship with food.
12. You make good choices everyday for your health

And, I was controlled by the number on the scale! So, I am working on keeping it real and when self sabotaging feelings arise I am recognizing them and saying, "Oh yeah, I recognize you and you're not welcome here anymore! Get out!

I will slip and fall because I am only human, but my recovery time in between will be less.

Andrea

2 comments:

  1. Andrea, this is a great post. I love the idea of keeping it real! I have gone up and down in the same place a lot, but when I remind myself how I was, I'm so much happier! I've had two nice compliments lately from unlikely sources, which helped me to see outside myself and my issues a little more than usual. It must be nice to have such a supportive partner. Lacking that, my support group is good, and I need to listen to them more.
    Keep up the great work. It will start to come off soon.
    Sherry

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Sherry, thanks so much for the comment and the support. You hit the nail on the head. It is important to get outside of ourselves so we can see ourselves better. Also good, is using our rational thinking rather then emotional thinking this can help.

    I am very luck to have a supportive partner. I married in my mid 30's so I waited a long time for the right one. In fact, our 12 year annivesary is this Sunday.

    I'm here to support you too at any time.

    Andrea

    ReplyDelete