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Sunday, June 20, 2010

Learning Not to Self Sabotage

Since my last post I've been engaging in some self sabotage, which I do oh so well. I know myself well enough to know that when things aren't going well for me that I calm up, shut up and don't communicate.

This is how I learned to protect myself in my family of origin. Early communication patterns are hard to unlearn. They can sneak up on us, take control for awhile until we are ready to deal with them. For me, this manifests when I don't feel well because of the choices I am making.

At approach four months out from my gastric by pass I thought, I can have a little of this and a little of that, mainly by adding carbohydrates to my diet. This along with the fact I've been weight lifting and building muscle caused my weight to bounce up and down by four weeks. Part of it was my first plateau as well. It's hard to say what all the factors are, but I do know I need to get right back to basics and stay very disciplined, until my first year anniversary of surgery and beyond.

I am far too much of a perfectionist, I need to understand I will have slips here and there, but that each time I have to get up brush myself off and keep going.

Self sabotage is the opposite of self care. Practicing good self care without doubt is the hardest work of my life to really learn and embrace.

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