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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Importance of Being Kind to Yourself in Recovery

I've been think a lot lately about the importance of being kind to myself as I continue to heal from my eating disorder. Though I no longer eat in a disordered way. I am no longer obese and I am healthy, I find that it is easy to still think in a disordered way. And, that it is oh so easy to relapse in my thinking and starting being too hard on myself.

I've been a very slow loser in terms of weight for a variety of reasons including I was a lightweight to begin with, the lightest my surgeon had operated on at that time. I was a revision from a lap band to gastric bypass, which is another factor. I've struggled with trying to incorporate wine into my diet which I love but adds extra calories and a tendency to eat more then is needed.

I've taken to asking myself this important question, "Is what I am about to do in the best interest of my body, my health and my nutrition. If I can't answer yes to all three, then I don't do it. I find this is bringing me a peace that helps me put one foot in front of the other.

Monday, March 28, 2011

My Favorite French Onion Soup Recpie

Learning to love food, myself and my body has been vitally important in my recovery from disordered eating and obesity. I don't assign a good or bad value to food. Rather I think about portion size, how it is prepared and balancing my energy out vs energy in. Rather, what I eat and how I exercise. That said, I recently had a craving for French Onion Soup which I hadn't had in years as I considered it a "bad" food. Below is Tyler Florence's recipe. This makes a big pot that lasts me a long time as I freeze it in 1/2 cup servings. That is the most I can eat post gastric by pass and it brings the calorie and fat levels down to a very respectful 150-175 calories, 7-8 grams of fat and 7 grams of protein. I'll take that for such a savory treat. If you make it let me know what you think.


  • 1/2 cup unsalted butter
  • 4 onions, sliced
  • 2 garlic cloves, chopped
  • 2 bay leaves
  • 2 fresh thyme sprigs
  • Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
  • 1 cup red wine, about 1/2 bottle
  • 3 heaping tablespoons all-purpose flour
  • 2 quarts beef broth
  • 1 baguette, sliced
  • 1/2 pound grated Gruyere


Melt the stick of butter in a large pot over medium heat. Add the onions, garlic, bay leaves, thyme, and salt and pepper and cook until the onions are very soft and caramelized, about 25 minutes. Add the wine, bring to a boil, reduce the heat and simmer until the wine has evaporated and the onions are dry, about 5 minutes. Discard the bay leaves and thyme sprigs. Dust the onions with the flour and give them a stir. Turn the heat down to medium low so the flour doesn't burn, and cook for 10 minutes to cook out the raw flour taste. Now add the beef broth, bring the soup back to a simmer, and cook for 10 minutes. Season, to taste, with salt and pepper.

When you're ready to eat, preheat the broiler. Arrange the baguette slices on a baking sheet in a single layer. Sprinkle the slices with the Gruyere and broil until bubbly and golden brown, 3 to 5 minutes.

Ladle the soup in bowls and float several of the Gruyere croutons on top.

Alternative method: Ladle the soup into bowls, top each with 2 slices of bread and top with cheese. Put the bowls into the oven to toast the bread and melt the cheese.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I'm Back!!!: The Cycle of Eating Disorders

So, I've had a long absence from this blog. Why? Because I was dealing with the emotional baggage of recovering from an eating disorder. I was discovering the true cycle of eating disorders, dancing with it and really coming to understand it. I'm not going to go into great depth regarding what my struggle was. That will be in my book I am working on right now, and one day, I know I'll be ready to share that but not quite yet. Here is the cycle from a recent post I made on Obesity Help on the Lightweights Board:

Hi All, I bought a book that really spoke to me this weekend that outlined the cycle I've struggled with for years.

I think the two Ph'd's that wrote the book have eating disorders and disordered eating down. What I didn't know is the publisher is a Christian publisher. For me this isn't a big deal. For those that are believers you will love this book, for those that aren't take the eating disorder information and leave out the rest.

Title: Hope, Help and Healing for Eating Disorders: A Whole Person Approach to Treatment of Anorexia, Bulimia and Dsiordered Eating.

The Cycle
Page 17
Eating Disorder/Disordered Eating

1.) Feelings of Unease
2.) Desire to Cover Over Those Feelings
3.) Use of food (Abstention or consumption) as chosen method
4.) Feelings of Guilt, Shame, self hate and hopelessness after disordered behavior
5.) Renewed Self Hatred after weakness
6.) Emotionally predisposed to repeat the behavior

Can anyone identify with this the way I can?


This is the dance I was in for the past six months in particular. I've beat it and I know I am always one behavior away from engaging in it. But, I am losing again and taking stock in all the good things I've achieved over the last year. One more thing. As soon as I figure out how I am going to change the name of my blog to Eat, Move, Write and Cook: How I Recovered From Obesity

All for now. I'm off to the gym.