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Sunday, March 27, 2011

I'm Back!!!: The Cycle of Eating Disorders

So, I've had a long absence from this blog. Why? Because I was dealing with the emotional baggage of recovering from an eating disorder. I was discovering the true cycle of eating disorders, dancing with it and really coming to understand it. I'm not going to go into great depth regarding what my struggle was. That will be in my book I am working on right now, and one day, I know I'll be ready to share that but not quite yet. Here is the cycle from a recent post I made on Obesity Help on the Lightweights Board:

Hi All, I bought a book that really spoke to me this weekend that outlined the cycle I've struggled with for years.

I think the two Ph'd's that wrote the book have eating disorders and disordered eating down. What I didn't know is the publisher is a Christian publisher. For me this isn't a big deal. For those that are believers you will love this book, for those that aren't take the eating disorder information and leave out the rest.

Title: Hope, Help and Healing for Eating Disorders: A Whole Person Approach to Treatment of Anorexia, Bulimia and Dsiordered Eating.

The Cycle
Page 17
Eating Disorder/Disordered Eating

1.) Feelings of Unease
2.) Desire to Cover Over Those Feelings
3.) Use of food (Abstention or consumption) as chosen method
4.) Feelings of Guilt, Shame, self hate and hopelessness after disordered behavior
5.) Renewed Self Hatred after weakness
6.) Emotionally predisposed to repeat the behavior

Can anyone identify with this the way I can?


This is the dance I was in for the past six months in particular. I've beat it and I know I am always one behavior away from engaging in it. But, I am losing again and taking stock in all the good things I've achieved over the last year. One more thing. As soon as I figure out how I am going to change the name of my blog to Eat, Move, Write and Cook: How I Recovered From Obesity

All for now. I'm off to the gym.


  1. Andrea, I'm so glad you are back and back on track! I've been ignoring my own issues and gained 25 lbs over the winter. Looking forward to getting back on track now. My knee replacement has me wanting to get out and walk and I am just craving veggies and meat! I look forward to your book and cheer you on in your recovery.

  2. Thanks Sherry!, I so appreciate your supportive comment. It means the world to me! Glad to hear your knee replacement went well and you are craving veggies. This is great news, very good news. The last six months for me were very difficult.

    This journey we are on isn't an easy one and we need to be kind to ourselves each and every day in order to be at our best and to get better.Take each day as it comes.

  3. One other thing Sherry. We have to remember our issues with eating disorders or disordered eating didn't develop over night and they don't go away quickly either. We have to always remember we are one behavior away from engaging in unhealthy, eating, thinking etc. regarding our bodies and sense of self. We are also one step away from good decisions. The more good decisions we rack up the better!

  4. I, too, have struggled with about every version of an eating disorder prior to having my surgery. I did struggled even with bulimia initially after my surgery but that was a long time ago. I am aware that any disordered thinking about food and resulting disorered eating can happen to me even today. It is something that I need to be mindful of.

  5. Hi Hooper's Judge, thanks so much for reading my blog and for leaving your comment. There is a lot of wisdom in your post.

    It took me many years and a great deal of unhappiness to first realize my thinking at times was disordered. I first identified it when I was a doctoral student from the time I was 38-41. I used to project my issues on to my doctoral advisor, looking for his approval, when I really needed to look to myself, to learn to love myself. I have a great relationship with him and he really helped me see this.

    However, I didn't really understand how disordered my thinking about food, eating was until after my first weight loss surgery.

    I say everything in it's own time. We face things as we are ready. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long! I hope through blogging I can help others.

    I agree, being mindful is the key. We have to keep reminding ourselves to be kind to ourselves and ask ourselves if each action we take is going to be in our best interest.

    I'll post those books in my reply to your second post. I am sorry to hear of your mothers illness. It is such a painful thing to witness.