Growing up I learned a lot of bad behaviors when it came to eating. I learned to eat all highly processed foods and didn't know anything about good food, or what my parents would have called "hippee food." I also was under a tremendous amount of stress watching my mother suffer from the consequences of diabetes, poor choices in self care, which I learned to replicate and am struggling to overcome. It is two steps forward and six steps backward and then I fight and claw my way back up the hill.
In addition to not learning about food, I learned very little about money management because in my family of origin it was assumed I'd get married and my husband would handle all that. As a result, I didn't learn to be frugal, save money or to live within my means, and my relationship with food was really no different. I wasted food, whenever you throw away food because it went bad do to lack of planning you are throwing away money. I very rarely planned my meals now I do.
I'm learning to live within my means both in terms of budgets and caloric needs. I am also learning to enjoy red wine responsibly. I like white, but if I am going to expend the calories, I want the antioxidants. For awhile after my gastric bypass, it was a real struggle to re-incorporate it into my diet. On some level, I wish I had taken my teams advice to not have any alcohol for a year after surgery. But, because I'm recovering from an eating disorder I didn't want to say there were foods or substances I couldn't have because that black and white, dualist thinking around food caused me a lot of personal pain over the years. I had to learn how alcohol effected me differently and how to have it at a reasonable level without the after effects and feeling like crap the next day. I am happy to say that this has been my strongest week in the last nine months where I've balanced this really well. This week has been a giant step forward and I am feeling good about it.